Take The Trip...

Vacations are not easy for anyone with children. I am a firm believer in that it is far from a vacation for parents with children under the age of 7. Its like the same marathon we are always running just in a different state with different scenery. I am all about them, but they are a lot of work. Probably the furthest thing from relaxation. When my family brought up heading to Disney as a unit (12 of us with 6 children ages 6 & under) my heart was in my stomach. My first thought- Alley.

We started talking about it in the spring, so at this point Alley was still having a really rough day to day. Our whole family was walking on egg shells and my immediate thought was "hell no"! How in the world would we swing this with the state he was in at that point? My husband and I discussed it for days. Me going over all the things that could go horribly wrong. Him going over all the things that could go right. We came to a common ground that we cannot deprive Alley or his brothers of these life experiences because we are afraid of what could go wrong. It was decided and the trip was booked for August. We added a couple days for our family on the front end of the trip to take them to the ocean and because we were driving down to Florida so we had that freedom. The rest of our family would be flying into Orlando four days after we started our road trip down, and we would meet them in Disney.

There was a ton of planning and thought packed into this trip. The drive itself to St. Augustine was about 17 hours. We knew the boys would have a hard time going straight through. Where would we stop and for how long? What would we do? Alley has to get some OT in after sitting for all of that time. So we began planning and searching. I made about six social stories for Alley that were all concentrated on different areas of the whole trip. It helped him understand what we were doing, where we were going and what to expect. My husband and I decided to leave at 4:00am on a Saturday, in hopes that the boys would still sleep in the car once we were all loaded up. Well, Alan had different plans, of course. He didn't fall asleep until 1:00am and then proceeded to wake up at 4:00am when we left, for the WHOLE day. He just seemed so excited to be on this road trip and couldn't get himself to go back to sleep.This had disaster written all over it, and it ended up being one.

We drove most of the day and in the evening made it into Tennessee. With Alan's lack of sleep he was very touchy and edgy. On the way down we stopped at a playground in Kentucky to eat and let the boys run around (which he LOVES playgrounds) and he hated it. He wouldn't even come out of the van. It was very bizarre but we chalked it up to lack of sleep and proper nutrition at that time. In Tennessee we checked into our hotel for the night, and headed to a nearby restaurant to eat some dinner. Again, he just didn't seem like himself. Alley didn't eat much and usually when hes running on empty from not resting, hes running on empty from not eating as well and it is a recipe for disaster. After dinner we decided to take the boys swimming in the hotel's pool before bed. We thought it would be good OT work for Alley and tire out the other two boys for sleeping. After a good amount of time swimming, we went back up to the room, showered all three boys and hit the hay for the night. Around 11:00 or 12:00 Alley woke up screaming. We have no idea why even to this day. This was the beginning of the worst night we had had with him in a little while. The yelling and thrashing continued so loudly that my husband and I were convinced we were going to get a noise complaint or the cops called on us. If I was near us, I probably would have from hearing how loud a child was yelling. With this being the first night of the trip, we definitely thought this trip is going to be ruined. After hours of this screaming, crying and thrashing my husband convinced me to let him take Alan for a car ride. I was so scared and nervous to have him and Alan driving around the streets of Chattanooga on a Saturday night at 2:00am. We went back and forth but ultimately I knew that was what he needed. He needed space and he needed to be removed from the environment.

We switched on and off, my husband and I, driving him around. At one point, I am sure pure exhaustion on my part had something to do with it, but I broke down and had a heart to heart with Alan in the hotel parking lot. Trying to talk to him through pouring down tears, mine not his, and almost pleading with him to help us help him. I told him that we were trying so hard to figure out what he was so upset about. I explained to him about the hotel (again and again) in hopes that something would click and we would be able to go back inside for a couple hours of sleep. He looked at me calm as could be after my mental breakdown and gave me the sign language symbol for "GO". I told him I would go around one more time and then we are going in the hotel. So I did. I stopped in the same spot again, I asked him if he was ready to go in. Calm as ever he looked me in the eye and told me "GO" through sign language again. So I did, again. For the third time parked in the same spot, and looked back at him. "Are you ready to go into the hotel Alan?" This time he did not sign "GO" he just looked at me. At this point I was floored that he knew he wasn't ready a couple minutes ago, but was ready at that moment. So, I parked the car so fast before he changed his mind, opened his van door and he so stinkin happy that he skipped right into the hotel door. We walked in the room and my husband (who in the meantime was sending me articles about chlorine poisoning, that is how bad Alley was) had this look on his face like "who the hell is this kid and what did you to make him this happy?" Almost 4:00 in the morning now I just looked at him and said "I will tell you about it when we wake up, I can't right now." He understood and all three of us passed out while the other two boys had been sleeping for a couple hours now.

The next day or same morning, however you want to look at it, I felt like a semi truck hit me. Emotionally, physically just absolutely drained and almost defeated for the next part of our trip. I despised feeling this way, so helpless. We ate breakfast, loaded the boys up and headed on our way hoping for a better day. As the day went on, it seemed as though Alan settled more and more into our road trip. He was eating better, he napped int he car so he was not running on empty for two days straight now. Finally we made it into St. Augustine, Florida. The boys were so excited to see the ocean and we were so happy to see them there. Alan LOVED it as a two year old so we thought we would love it even more are a six year old. WRONG AGAIN. He actually hated the beach and the sticky sand. (Insert complete deflation here for my husband and I). We powered through and went to the beach every morning we were there. Alan of course found this beautiful soul of a woman sitting with her friend in their nice beach chairs. Looking back on it now, I know their souls were connected somehow. She was what he needed and she was definitely what I needed as his mom at that point in our trip. We kept trying to wrangle him and detour him from running to her chair in his adult sized swim diaper, covering his ears while make noises only I or my husband could understand, but no dice. He was enthralled and she couldn't have been any sweeter or more accepting of our son who was a stranger to her. I kept apologizing to her every time I had to go get him back from her and she said something to me that I know will stick with me forever. After my 15th "I'm so sorry" to her she said "Honey, don't you ever apologize for this angel baby. He is an angel from God. And the people who make you feel like you need to apologize for him, do not deserve your apology." Til this day I do not know her name, but man I could pick her out of a crowd in an instant because of what she said and how she said it to me. I walked away from her in awe with Alan and then I lost it. Just cried right there on the beach, it was all so emotional after the past couple days we had had with him and his behaviors. It felt like fresh air being breathed into me and almost re-energized myself and my husband for the rest of the trip.

We ended up making out way to Disney where we spent wonderful, amazing fun filled days with Alleys cousins, Aunt, Uncle and his Nana and Papa. He ended up doing so great, going to very crowded places, eating at restaurants, staying in the hotel room with his family members, just all around he did so much better then we anticipated. Alan met his favorite characters and rode the rides at The Magic Kingdom. The best part to me of the whole trip was seeing him meet the princesses. He was in awe. He actually danced with one, which he has never danced in his life. Again, I was crying. I knew this whole trip was a toss up and we were taking a gamble with him embarking on this long road trip. So many things could go wrong and many did. But what I learned is every day is a new day, especially on vacation. I learned that Disney really does bring out the magic that is in our souls no matter how old we are. I learned that people can view my son as an angel baby even if they cannot hear his voice and that the trips are always worth it. Take the trip even if there are one hundred things can go wrong, you never that one thing that could go so right.

With grace-

This Autism Mama