Alan Our Leader…

We had a pretty busy weekend. A pretty emotionally exhausting and draining weekend. I am going to be honest and say I wasn't sure how we were going to get through it all, starting with Friday night.

Friday night we honored my little brother, Ricky at his high school. As I stated before we lost Ricky two years ago at the age of 29. His high school inducted him into the Circle Of Champions, which is a huge honor. Our family was invited back to the school to accept the award for him. I struggled with deciding to bring the boys or not. To us, they are a packaged deal. We woud not leave Alan out of this if we brought Vinny and Joey. This was their homecoming football game so we knew it would be crazy, loud, chaotic, cold, rainy, all the things that could send anyone with sensory issues into a tailspin. Al and I talked about it and we decided to bring the boys. Their cousins were going, and this was to celebrate their uncle, Alan's uncle. The Uncle that he took his first steps with. The Uncle that accepted Alan for who he was, not what he should be. The Uncle that Al and I had lunch with on the river walk downtown minutes after we got the diagnosis. His Godfather. Ricky always made things better for me and for us. Bringing all three of the boys was the decision that was made, for Ricky.

We tried having our ducks in a row going into Friday night. I made him a social story, we read it a couple times before hand in hopes it would take away some of the unknown and some of the chaos for him. We had his headphones packed along with his tablet and tons of snacks. Our family arrived at the high school and it was already super crowded and loud. My stomach dropped anticipating what could go wrong. This particular celebration was happening in the corridor at the front of the school. Then would continue at halftime of the actual football game. I have to admit Alan tried his absolute best. It was crowded, it was loud, there was many different foods so it smelled like a restaurant, it was sensory overload to the max. We tried having him sit at the table for an extended period of time, but it was just too much. This is usually what happens at events that are overstimulating for him. One of us (usually my husband) will miss the actual event and follow Alan around wherever he needs to go (within reason). They took trips around the school away from the reception to get some breaks in. Breaks from the noise, breaks from the smell, breaks from the chaos. That's the thing we are learning more and more as Alan gets older, he knows what he needs. He knows that removing himself from a certain situation is better then forcing himself to sit through it. And as his parents, we need to listen to him even if it's not verbally expressed.

After the reception, we found Alley and my husband in the gymnasium of the school. He was much calmer, much more relaxed just exploring and taking it in. I could read his face in the reception that he was trying. He was trying extremely hard to be there with us and be present. But at some point I knew, his Das knew and Alan knew it was time to exit the reception. It's such an unspoken bond being able to read his face, his body and his actions that are deeper then the surface. Would I have loved Alan and my husband to be able to stay in the reception and listen to all the amaizng accomplishments my brother had in his short time here? Of course. I would have loved nothing more. But I also know that he tried, he tried his hardest and it just wasn't happening for him or for us that night. That's the give and take that this journey is all about. He is our leader, he is our teacher, he is our guide. I used to fight it, the old me would have tried to make him sit in one spot like the rest of the children in the reception. But man, has he changed me. Do I care that he gets through challenging events for him differently then my other two boys? Not one damn bit. He does what he needs to when he needs to. I am not in his body, I cannot feel what he is feeling, so who am I to change the course of what he needs? He tells me nonverbally, and I need to watch and listen.

All in all Friday night is something I chalk up to a success for our family. Ricky was honored beautifully, as he should be because he was just that damn amazing. Alan got through an event that rewind 8 months ago, we would have not taken him to at all. It wouldn't of even been a second thought. I learned a few things as well. He loved being out on the football field, he loved the flag pole on the field, he enjoyed getting pelted with the freezing cold rain and he really really enjoyed the band that preformed the halftime show! So much so he tried darting on the field to be a part of it! There's so much to be said for letting your child with special needs lead you, be your teacher, be your guide and I am learning just how to do that.

With grace-

This Autism Mama